


I did rather start a riot

by danganronpaphobe



Series: I Did Rather [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Cheating, Drama, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, I like to think theyre moirails like really weird moirails, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV Second Person, Teen Angst, Vriska's love life being complicated as always, but sometimes they fuck bc vriska is a mess, shameless vrisquius, tbh vriska needs to stop being such a trainwreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 01:43:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10503843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danganronpaphobe/pseuds/danganronpaphobe
Summary: Your name is Vriska Serket and you know you should stop before things blow up in your face, but you don’t give a single fuck and you won’t choose between the both of them. You simply can’t.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set years before 'I did rather be eating bacon...', I decided to do this fic to explain why the was such bad blood running between Vriska and Rose in the other fic. This took me three days or so, but I had plenty of fun. The name's 'I did rather start a riot' but you can also call it 'Vriska needs to stop being a fucking asshole'.
> 
> Enjoy! (there is no need to read this before reading 'I did rather be eating bacon...', but it's a nice complement.)

Your name is Vriska Serket and Kanaya's gasps and moans are probably one of the best sounds you ever heard in your entire life. She is grinding against your fingers and you're deep inside her, hooking your fingers so you gave her more pleasure. Her head was firmly put against your shoulder, she bit it but it soon became an open mouthed kiss with some soft gasps against your neck.   
  
You want to hear her sob with pleasure, so you stop your fast pace and start a slow but deep and hard one. She is dripping, a lot. Her own juices running down her legs. This isn't the best of places to be doing this though.   
  
It was your older sister's birthday and Kanaya had been invited. Porrim gave her the best dress she could've gotten. It made her hips look spectacular and oh god you couldn't stop staring. You were already horny for some reason earlier, maybe hormones. Those damn hormones. But turns out, you were so horny you just shoved her against the wall of your room and decided to fuck her brains out right there. Your mom, who was finally home at least for your sister's birthday (she didn't come to yours, to no one's surprise), was probably looking for you, because oh god no, Aranea had to have aaaaaaaall attention in the world on a day like this! Attention my ass. You didn't care, you had better things to do.   
  
Maryam comes, gasping and arching her back, throwing her head back while her mouth could only repeat 'Vriska' like a mantra. Her whole body shudders and she claws your back with long, well made nails. You help her ride through her orgasm, going faster and harder inside her with three fingers, cupping one of her breasts with your other hand. She bucked her hips hardly against your fingers until she stopped and you could only smirk at her blushing face. Kanaya opened her eyes fully only to look away, not wanting to stare at your blue eyes.   
  
Most of the time, you aren't sappy. You hate kissing too much, unless it's hot and messy. But you can't not softly kiss and hold Maryam. She looked so messy now. Her whole hair was a mess, but it looked cute with her blushing face and smudged lipstick (which was also all over your neck and chest and mouth). You snort and hold her by her hips, throwing her in your bed as she lets out a yelp and you get on top of her. Kanaya narrow her eyes a little and runs a hand through your face. There were some scars on it. New scars. New scars always happened when your mother was home. She frowned and sighed.   
  
"Shh," you whisper, planting kisses from her chest up to her neck. "I know..." you catch Kanaya's lips into a soft, gentle kiss, her hand running through your messy hair (which she clearly knew you didn't brush for a week, because she snorts at the knot she feels somewhere in it). The kiss makes you feel warm on the insides, even more than before, and you two only part after a minute, with little smiles on your faces. Yours was more of a smirk while hers was a worried one. "Don't gimme that look. You know... how stuff is." You shrug and proceed to bite her neck. She gasps but pats your back.   
  
"Vriska," she says, a little firmly, you get the idea. You get off her and Kanaya sighs, sitting up like you do and touching your face softly again. "That is not alright. You have to do something. Terezi's mother could..."   
  
"Kanaya I can't!" You exclaim. She was going to tell you the same bullshit as always. "Look..." you hold her hand and squeeze it. "It's nice that you care, I guess. But... You should stop caring about what happens or not to me. In the end, I kind of deserve this. It's like she says, it's for my 'own good'-"   
  
Kanaya scoffs and gets up, picking her clothes of the floor. You frown at how she looks distressed all of sudden. "Vriska, I am just trying to help you. You say nobody cares about you and then... Someone does and you do this. It is always like this. It keeps repeating. So I might as well stop it at once." She sighs.   
  
"Dunno why you're upse-"   
  
Kanaya turns to you with a frown and shakes her head, like if she didn't believe the words you were saying. "I love you. I really do. And it hurts me to see you struggle with self image, with… With your mother doing awful things to you for no reason. Treating you like nothing. That is  _ not  _ okay. And thinking that you deserve it is not okay either, Vriska.”

“Then why I don’t deserve it?” You sit up again, staring deeply at her. You did awful things. And, while you acted like you were the best, you felt like the worst. “C’mon Fussyface, admit it. I did a shit ton of shitty things. I’m a fucking mess too. If it wasn’t for you and your medley ass my room would probably be covered in trash.”

“It doesn’t excuse your mother to do such actions with you,” Kanaya, now fully clothed, but still looking like a mess, sat next to you and shook her head. “All I want for you is the best. You are reckless. But you do not deserve to suffer.”

“Yeah. Of course I don’t. I’m fucking awesome. But ya know… karma’s a bitch,” you lay back and stare at the ceiling. You ignore how Kanaya stares at you, judging you silently.

“You know what upsets me? The fact you do not care for yourself in fact, and you only show this side of you for me. And yet you expect me to care about you, when, clearly,” she gets up and gets lipstick out of her purse, that was carefully placed in the edge of your bed, she uses your mirror to fix her make up, “You do not wish to be helped.”

“I do, holy fuck Maryam, I do but…” you shrug, “I dunno. My mom could be arrested for that. She did a plenty of illegal stuff and you know that.”

She turns to you once she finished, after fixing her hair somewhat to something that at least didn’t scream ‘I just fucked’, and then she frowns. “This is exactly why you should tell some authority. Vriska, this might get too far. I cannot understand why… You wish to protect someone like her.”

“In the end, I still need her huh. I mean, Aranea’s moving away soon, and I dunno if I can get a job right now. Mom will pay the bills until I can and I can’t simply say fuck it and let her go to fucking prison,” you explain, looking down at your hands. There were bandaids in your fingers. You frown. You hated this. You hated having to depend on someone. But in the end, you guess you depend on Kanaya, and today it looks like she is a little done with your drama.

“You could move in with me! My mother likes you and you are always welcome, you know that…” Kanaya asserts, being sweet but with a scowl on her face.

“Fuck, COULD YOU JUST… FORGET ABOUT IT?!” you lose your temper. It was really awful. How you did nothing. Or simply, broke a cup. And you ended up being spanked, having to hear Mindfang murmuring terrible things to you, but in the end she always said ‘it’s for your own good, my spider princess’. It sounded sweet. And that was sick. It was so sick and it made you want to cut her throat open with one of the pieces of broken glass of the cup you dropped. She was horrible. But what could you do? Nothing. You needed her. And maybe you deserved this. Karma is a real thing. You were never the best person and now you’re paying for that it seems. Hearing Kanaya trying to ‘help you’ made memories from a day ago come back to your head and you didn’t like them. You lose your shit and she stares at you wide eyed. “Just stop fucking caring so much about me. You fuss too damn much! It’s my life, not yours!” you exclaim.

Kanaya stares a few more seconds at you before she picks her purse and leaves your room, a stone cold face, closing your door harshly. You stare at the door, waiting for her to come back. But, of course, she doesn’t. Congrats, dumbass. You pissed her off. The only one who could comfort you. Well, the one who doesn’t sweat a lot or isn’t a blind girl who licks your face all the time and, honestly, that isn’t comforting at all.

You stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before you start to sob. You whimper and murmur “sorry” like a mantra, pathetically. You then sit up when you hear Aranea’s voice calling for you. You clean your tears away, or at least try to, and don’t bother to hide the lipstick marks Kanaya left on you. You get up and go back to the party, as if nothing had happened.

* * *

 

It wasn’t the most smart choice. But it surely was something new. You were drunk and you knocked at Equius’ house, he was home alone and you walked in, three nights after your sister’s party, sobbing and hiding your face on his neck. For some time, you two were friends. It didn’t last much. But this day specifically made things too awkward for you. Or for Equius for that matter.

You came for comfort, but you stayed for the fact he was fucking you in all fours in middle of the Zahhak’s fancy living room. He grunted as he hold your hips and thrusted in and out with slick noises going through the room. You had your butt up and your face against the floor, you were so drunk you didn’t knew how you two got to this, but you loved how filled you felt. He thrusted hard and deep and you could feel his dick twitch, which made him get out of you, coming with a loud grunt and arching his back as you watched. He threw his head back as he did that too, trembling and coming all over the floor. Only the vision of his messy hair being throw back like that made you bite your lip and moan, coming, arching your back and trying to claw the floor. You’re breathing with difficult when a blushing Equius catches you on his well built arms and puts you on his bed, you didn’t even see you coming here, but it was comfy and you started to feel sleepy as he laid next to you and pulled blankets over you two.

“This does not means we have any kind of relationship, it was reckless behavior I do admit-”

“Fuck off,” you say, frowning at his dumb bullshit. “You looooooooved it,” you smirk at Equius and he sighed.

“You should apologize to Miss Maryam, Vriska,” he asserted remembering the talk they had before things got steamy. You scoffed. “Your ego is tremendous, it disgusts me.”

“I have dignity you know, unlike you.” You snort as you don’t even need to look at Equius’ face to know he’s frowning and offended. “Look I’ve nothing to apologize about. So just cut that bullshit and lemme sleep…” you turn your back at him. You hear him sigh and turn his back at your back. You both stay quiet. You leave him early the next morning, not even mattering to leave anything else other than a lipstick mark. You kissed his neck before you left.

You had some Maryam to apologize to.

* * *

 

A week later, you’re in Latula’s room playing some dumb racing game with Terezi. She was your best friend, with a few benefits. It was hard, it was hard to have extremely hot friends and not kiss, or you know, fuck them. But as Kanaya had no idea (or pretended to not know) about your affairs, it was fine. While you did do these things, you genuinely didn’t want Kanaya to get hurt. You weren’t the best with words or feelings, because feelings were only to make people weak, but the truth is that you felt a lot. You just didn’t show it rightly.

Terezi, despite the fact she was almost totally blind, only a partial part of her vision was left, was really good at this game. She won another race and her Yoshi commemorated in the screen. She stares, blankly of course, at you with a big smile. You scoff and kind of throw the controller aside, sighing and leaning back against the bed. “I’m tired of this game, it’s booooooooring!”

“You’re just tired of losing,” she cackles and turns the video game off, before leaning back too and then resting her head on your shoulder. You feel her sniff at your neck as she lets out a giggle. “You smell like cheap perfume and cigarettes, Miss Blueberry.” Terezi licks your neck and you let out a needy whimper. “Shh, I MAY not do anything to you hehe,” she says playfully before just sitting on your lap, touching your face all over. She did that often. That way she knew how your face looked like. “So soft…” Pyrope murmurs and catches some blue lipstick on her finger as she puts one against your lips. She takes that finger to her own lips and sucks it. “Yum, blueberry~”

You roll your eyes and rest your hand on her hips. You squeeze her sides a little and she licks your cheek. You let out a disgusted noise. “Fuck, why the fuck you need to lick everything you touch, Terezi?” you tsk and she laughs.

“Because I lick everything I can’t see, dummy!” she cackles.

“Everything, then.”

“Exactly! And you taste and smell like blueberry… I love cherries, but I can’t pass the opportunity to annoy you and feel the taste of blueberry, can I?” she lifts her eyebrows and laughs again. You don’t know how someone could laugh and grin so much.

You two get silent after that, only her constant giggles filling the room. It was a nice atmosphere in fact. It was almost night, the last rays of sunshine filled the room and the house was quiet, Latula had gone out to skate with her boyfriend and Redglare was solving a case, so she would be out of the city that weekend.

“What about you and Kanaya, did you apologize to her?” Terezi asked out of blue, breaking the silence.

“Meh,” you shrug, “I did and everything’s okay now.”

“Heh, thought your ego wouldn’t let you do that!” she mocks. “I’m proud of you, your ego might be getting a little smaller.”

“You wish,” you scoff, “You know, big deal. I didn’t even do anything really shitty to her!” you exclaim and cross your arms, as Terezi puts her arms around your neck and rolls her hips against you softly.

“At least you didn’t lose her friendship, dumb,” she smiles. She didn’t knew about your relationship with Kanaya either. And Kanaya also didn’t knew about your relationship with Terezi. Things could easily blow up in your face while doing this kind of thing. It wasn’t morally right. But it wasn’t the first time you did a wrong thing that could blow up in your face (sometimes literally and figurative) at any time with one wrong move. You loved both of them. And both of them had no idea of what was really happening.

You promised yourself you would stop soon before anything went too wrong. But you were reckless, and that was no news to anyone. You couldn’t simply choose between the both of them. Right now, you really couldn’t stop.

Terezi had catched your lips in a open mouthed kiss and you were yanking at her hair, hearing her needy whimpers against your lips.

You couldn’t, and you wouldn’t. Maybe you didn’t loved them. Maybe you just, even if you hated admitting it, hated being alone. Maybe you did love them and also… just desperately needed someone. But that is something you would  _ never _ admit out loud.

Terezi descends and yanks your shirt out, to show your chest and breasts. They were bigger than hers and she cupped both of them with her hands, squeezing and clawing them. You groaned a little and let her, for the first time in a long time, take hold of the situation.

When she unclasps your bra, she touches your breasts carefully as if you were made of glass and would break with any rougher touch, making you gasp softly. She then stops and frowns at them and then at you, her expressions were TOO expressive. Her eyebrows lifted then furrowed and she didn’t do anything else. The reason for that was unexpected. And not planned by you. Something you totally forgot about, which was one of the reasons you had pauses between the two of them. Because Terezi runs her fingers against a bitemark. And, of course, she knows it’s not hers. You two haven’t did anything lately for any marks to be on her or on your skin.

“Vriska…” Terezi murmurs and then gets her hands out of there, getting up and off you. You make a face at her and pout a little, unsatisfied with the lack of hands touching you. You clearly fucked up. “What is this?”

You take a few moments to fully realize how much you screwed. You open and close your mouth multiple times, but nothing comes out of it. You think of an answer that could be better. But, honestly, Terezi looks like she will shove her cane up in your ass and that’s something. She never seems really mad. Always smiling her usual creepy smile or cackling about literally everything. But now she looks like she will shove her cane up your ass and make it come out through your mouth. “Look…” you get up and touch the marks yourself, “Uh… You left them in me. Your teeths are pointy you know. Like what the hell ‘Rezi, that’s pretty hot actually.”

She huffs and sits in bed, putting her cane down. Fortunately, because having a cane up in your butt would be extremely unpleasant. Or… maybe not? Either way, you didn’t wanna discover that day. “That is impossible, Vriska. And you know that. We haven’t done anything for a month!” she exclaims, her mouth forming a “?” somehow. “And in the last six or so months I’ve observed weird things from you. We always have a pause of three or four weeks! Or two sometimes. And, honestly? It’s very odd for someone that can’t take her eyes and hands off me.”

“Hah, that doesn’t mean anything! Cut that investigation shit. This isn’t CSI or somethi-”

“I don’t care. Just tell me what’s happening already!” Terezi exclaimed and frowned again. She looked disappointed. But certainly, not very surprised actually. Of course not. You are Vriska Serket and, usually, this is what people expect from you.

You bite your inner lip and come close to her. You try to softly touch her face, but she hisses and flinches away from your touch. You sigh. “Okay… Look… I’m more than friends with Fussyface. It’s been a few months since we are… Friends with benefits? I don’t know, I also don’t care. I swear, I was going to stop!”

“Oh of course you were,” she huffs and shakes her head at you. “I… Why? All that soul mate bullshit you told me and-”

“Terezi! Look… She… She was lonely. I’m her best friend and she just wanted it for a really long time!” you exclaim, as if that could really justify your actions.

Terezi takes a moment to absorb that. She still doesn’t look pleased at all. “And that’s your excuse to do this? I hate injustice Vriska. And you know that.”

“Fuck, don’t use that bullshit with me. How is this injust? I was just… Actually this is very equal you know? I was trying to make  _ both  _ of you happy, at same time! My effort counts you know,” you tsk, and throw your hair dramatically. In fact. Yes. Your only and one objective was to make them happy. Not making them happy made you feel like shit. You seemed like the most confident girl in the world for most people, but you were just hiding this soft and weaker side of you behind that facade.

“And you know what you managed to do? You broke me. Actually. Not me. My confidence,” Terezi puts on her red glasses and picks her varsity red jacket from the door handle, where it was hanging. “And Kanaya’s too. Get out of here.”

“Wait… No. Terezi, ple-”

“Get out. I need to think, and I won’t be able to with your huge excuses.” Terezi says, harshly. Not even staring at your way. Terezi might be blind, but, by now, she know where you are at and usually she ‘looks’ at you. But not that day.

You frown and get dressed again. Slowly, you walk out of the room and you stop in front of the exit. Now you could feel Terezi standing there. Sniffing your guilty. “I’m sorry.”

“You should stop being sorry, Vriska,” that’s all she says before she taps her cane in the ground, with no patience for your excuses.

As much as you wanted to consider your reasons real, you also could never say this was morally right. You sigh, open the door and step out of the house to the cold chilly air to hit your face. As you close the door and start walking down the street, not sure of where you are going because you didn’t want to go home, you start sobbing. It’s pathetic. But, once again, you ruined everything. You couldn’t blame anyone else other than yourself. And that… That hurt. Specially when you hurt  _ them _ .

* * *

 

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you knock at the Maryam’s household at 9 pm to talk with Kanaya. You didn’t expect to do this at any time. But this whole situation left no choice. Not that you didn’t like Kanaya. You actually really enjoyed her company, but it wasn’t so often that you talked to her. And now you clearly understand why Vriska would want to mantain her girlfriend away from her best friend.

A minute or so later, you’re about to knock again, but the door opens and Kanaya lets out a sigh of relief. As if she was happy to see it was you instead of someone else. “Oh. Terezi! I thought it would be- Nevermind. Is there a important matter for you to appear in my house at this moment?” she asks, her tone was exasperated. As if she had something else to do. Which, probably she did have, you are dumb to think she wouldn’t have.

“Yeah, it’s… Vriska.” You assert and she scowls at the name then coughs.

“I… I think you should come in so-”

“You two are banging, behind my back. But I don’t blame you.” You say, cutting her sentence and Kanaya wides her eyes as if she had seen a ghost. She blushes. But then gets confused.

“What I… What do you mean… Behind your back?”

“You thought I was only her best friend, wasn’t it?” you ask and she nods. You sigh. How could Vriska be so manipulative? After everything. After you begged her to change her ways. “See? I wasn’t. And she tricked me into thinking you two were just good friends too. Ha, gal pals in the least.”

“I am sorry-”

“Don’t be. Isn’t  _ your  _ fault. You had no idea.” You give her a slighty sad grin. Despite your natural and usual happiness (it was even creepy how happy you looked sometimes), you can’t be happy right now. You were plain tired of Vriska’s constant lying and excuses. You sniff the air. You scent something different in Kanaya. Lavender. “I don’t want to be nosy or anything but… You’re with someone in there, aren’t you?”

“I… Why would that matter?”

“I’m just curious, you know. I can smell lavender in you.”

Kanaya sighs. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore… I noticed some marks in Vriska. And… I suspected of… Someone else. Not you. Never you. But I guess life is full of surprises and… Talking about surprises, Rose Lalonde came by for a visit.”

“That new girl who’s sarcastic and always walks around with a big book? Also she smells like lavender,” you giggle a little, “Niiice.”

“Indeed. She is a part time librarian actually. And… I will not lie. From the moment I saw her,” Kanaya paused, she was blushing and biting her inner lip. “I fell for her. Rose is… I cannot find words that do justice to what I wish to describe.” That was sweet. Too sweet for your own tastes. Not that you didn’t like that lovey dovey stuff, but the way she sounded… Kanaya was  _ really _ in love. You smile a little. You wonder if you sounded so stupid talking about Vriska.

“I don’t blame you for doing this. If you always suspected those stuff from Vriska, then I’m surprised that you didn’t do this before… But you’re Kanaya, and that explains a lot, you wouldn’t be a bitch towards Vriska for no reason,” You assert, more to yourself than anyone. Kanaya smiles.

“I am glad you see… I actually never wanted any bad for Vriska,” Kanaya looks back and then closes the door, stepping out of the frame to come closer to you. “The only thing I ever did was try to help her. And as much as helping her at everything makes me happy… it tires me out. She does not lend a hand when I need her help. But she does expect me to help her at all bad times, and it’s been like that for a long time. Ever since we were actually just best friends.” She sighs and crosses her arms, trying to warm herself. You can smell she has a few tears on her eyes, waiting to be poured.

“... Vriska needs to learn how to love,” that’s all you say before you frown. You remember all the times Vriska came to you crying. Along the years, all you did was comfort her. Yes, she was really shitty with feelings. In fact, you were too. But Vriska  _ never  _ did the effort to actually help you. You could feel that. It looked like… she just enjoyed what you gave to her. Not who you were. Or maybe you were just thinking way too much. But you knew Vriska Serket. And, most of the times, she only wanted her own good. “I don’t know what I’m doing about her now.”

“What do you mean? I… I will talk to her and-” she pauses and sighs, “I am going to end it. She…” suddenly, Kanaya starts sobbing. You step back a little. You don’t know exactly what to do. But you do get why she was reacting like that. You sigh and touch Kanaya’s shoulder carefully, smiling, the less creepy smile you could give. Kanaya looks up and hugs you out of blue, sobbing in your shoulder. Well, more or less. You’re smaller than Kanaya, who’s  _ very  _ tall, so she sobs more into your ear than anything. “I-I am sorry, I shouldn’t react like such, it is not the end of the world, after all.”

“I know I know, you have the rights to react like this,” you murmur and pat her back. “Just… I don’t blame you. I also don’t blame you for loving her. I know that’s why you’re crying.” You sigh, running a hand through her short hair, with some effort due to her tallness. She looks at your face as if you were a seer. “Yeah, yeah. I know it. Just… I know how you feel. Despite Vriska being a huge asshole, for some reason, I can’t stop loving her. Which is ridiculous, but… I do love that asshole. In many ways. But sometimes I want to shove my cane down her throat for everything she does. But that isn’t the worst you know,” you part away from her and Kanaya starts to wipe her tears away, huffing when she sees her makeup was ruined. You have no idea why wear makeup at home, but that was you and your butch ways. “It’s going to be okay. You… you have Rose,” you say, softly, touching her cheek. She, who was wiping her tears with the palms of her hands, looked at you (face full of ruined makeup) and smiled sweetly.

“You…” Kanaya sniffs, “You are right. I do have her. Maybe… my time with Vriska was never meant to be. I… I don’t trust her like I did anymore. Not for love, this kind of love, at least.”

You nod. To be honest, you didn’t trust Vriska your heart. There might have been a time you did. Which was foolish. You trusted Vriska your life, but never your heart. As much as you loved her, as much as it hurt to not be able to give yourself fully to the one you loved but also hated the most, you couldn’t. Because you knew Vriska  _ too well. _

“I… hope we can still be friends.” Kanaya sighs.

“I don’t think she’s going to be okay with being friends at all. Vriska is reckless. She’ll… explode. Even more if she knows you already have Rose,” you scratch the back of your neck, “But Vriska is a dog that barks too much. Barking dogs never bite.”

Kanaya nods, gulping a little. You can see she is getting a knot on her throat again, playing with her hands quietly. “I should go. I’m sorry things turned out this way. But it isn’t your fault. Or mine. I just wanted Vriska to-”

“Grow up,” Kanaya says, and yes, she was right. Those were the right words. You were sixteen. Turning seventeen soon. And, yet, Vriska treated romance and life like a ten year old. You didn’t blame only on her for  _ that _ . You blamed on her mother, on the things she had gone through her life. But you blamed her for not making the effort to change that. The effort to be strong in the real way, not only pretend to be, but really be.

“Yes…” you murmur, putting your hands on your pockets, “I may be a fool, but I still believe she can change. Either way, you need something better than this anyways. We both do.” You smile, patting her shoulder. Kanaya nods and sighs.

“You are right, it just… hurts. But I… I will have to heal.”

After that, you both say goodbye to each other. You head off to your house and once you arrive, you find Latula splattered in the couch, snoring loudly while her 8-bit game was paused on TV. You snorted and enjoyed the meal, actually just McDonalds, Latula left for you. She also bought you cherry pie and, with only that, your mood lifted a whole lot.

You needed a time away from Vriska. As much as you hated to admit. It was needed. She might be your Scourge Sister, but, sometimes, you think she didn’t deserve everything you did to her. Every good thing. Every good moment. You sigh, as you lay in bed. You needed a time away from Vriska, including, your thoughts. She needed to get out of them for a damn second.

And it was hard to get her out of your head when your bed had her blueberry smell.

* * *

 

Your name is Vriska Serket and a month or so passed. You are splattered at Terezi’s bed and frowning at the ceiling. Despite everything, it was obvious, Terezi Pyrope  _ couldn’t _ stay away from you. Somehow, she was resisting your natural ‘Serket charm’, that smirk you gave that, usually, made several women and men fall for you like fools. But this was Terezi and she’s actually not a fool. Actually, she’s really fucking smart.

You both came to an deal. No romance. Just the ol’ Scourge Sisters in action. You didn’t like that, not so much. But, at least, she didn’t hate you totally and forever. So you might as well not be an ungrateful bitch.

Terezi was sitting by your side, studying. You didn’t care to study, despite the fact tests were just a week away from now, you just lit up a cigarette and stayed frowning at the ceiling as if it had answers to what you did the night before. You cringe at the ceiling and your eyes stare at Terezi for a moment. She’s focused, and, surprisingly, quiet. It doesn’t take much time before you hear her snorting and then cackling. “I can feel you staring at me, Vriska, you know that,” she says, before putting the book aside and throwing herself back, lying beside you. She licks your cheek and you flinch. “What’s going on? You’ve been way too quiet. Are you planning something? Serket…”

“Nah, why would I? I’m just… chilling,” you sigh and give a nervous laugh, before taking a smoke of your cigarette. Terezi frowns and you sit, “What? Can’t even smoke too? Have you been spending too much time with Kanaya? ‘Cause you’re too fussy, even for me who you know, was friend with Kanaya Fussy Master Maryam for years.”

Terezi grins, “Did I say anything?” before you answer she cuts you, “No. I didn’t. So don’t worry. Do whatever you want. Just… are you sure nothing’s happening?”

“Why the hell you should care?”

“Because I’m your friend, dumbass,” she punches your shoulder and you roll your eyes. “Was it Mindfang?”

“Actually, no. Mum is away this month,” you murmur, staring at the wall, “Thank God. I fucking hate that bitch…”

“I hate her too,” she runs her feet through your back, you look back at her and lift an eyebrow, Terezi just laughs loudly. You love her cackles, they’re so horrible. “C’mon, want to go out and do something? Maybe it’ll lift your mood!”

You get up and she sits up, staring blankly at you. She pouts a little, disappointed maybe. You weren’t feeling guilty. Well, at least, you told that to yourself. Truth is, you slept with Rose. You did something horrible. Just for that. Just so Rose could look like a villain in Kanaya’s eyes. For some reason, now you felt your chest tightening. Like if guilty invaded every single part of you. You shake your head and turn at her, you’re about to open your mouth and she too, when you turn she’s about to say something, but both of you close your mouths. She cackles.

“I was going to ask if you were okay,” she says, in middle of laughs. You snort a little and shake your head. But she notices how you are more or less too serious, and stops cackling, with some effort. “Vriska, this is serious, what’s up?”

You felt guilty. There. You said it. That was the first time in your life you felt guilty. Not even last year, when you outed Aradia for absolutely no reason to her ‘grandfather’ and made her end up in a boarding school, on the night of her birthday. Actually, in your sincere opinion, you did have reasons. Leaving you for Sollux, Feferi and Eridan was ridiculous. You made her pay. That was karma. Well, in your sincere opinion. But, today, you actually felt ridiculous. And you knew that there would be no excuse for what you did. You look at Terezi, your expression full of guilty, and you know that she might smell your guilty ass from thousand miles. You sigh, “I’m sorry, I fucked up again.”

“What?” Terezi frowns, but she stays still. Her mouth turns into that ‘?’ and you feel your stomach ache.

“Fuck fuck… I just… I am horrible, okay? I am fucking horrible. I act like if I’m the queen of motherfucking everything, but fuck I just… I keep fucking things up,” you say, looking down at your hands. You don’t feel like crying. But it’s getting hard to breath. You know very well you might have a panic attack, but you don’t care. “I drugged Rose. Yesterday, at the party at Equius’, I drugged her. And… You know. She was awake, but, because of the drugs, she ‘accepted’ to… I… I took advantage of her. And I took advantage of Kanaya too. I mean, she’s been sick for almost two weeks and the only time she’s not around Rose I… I do this.” You finish. And a thick silence invades the room.

“Why?” Terezi finally asks. Her tone sounds dull.

You chew on your inner lip. “I… I just don’t understand why Kanaya wanted Rose instead of me.” You murmur, but then you run an anxious hand through your hair. “Actually, nah. I pretend to not understand,” you get up and throw the cigarette out of the window, you look at her, she wasn’t staring at you. You sigh, “I’m not fucking dumb. C’mon, roast me, tell me how horrible I am.”

“You are. You are.” Terezi nods and nods, but then gets up and slaps your face. You take moments to look at her with widen eyes. “I won’t ruin our friendship because of this. But if you make them break up… Vriska that’s sick.”

“I know…” you murmur, looking down, putting a hand against your cheek. “You shouldn’t be my friend.”

“But I will, no matter what you say, I just… Vriska, next year, we are graduating and after that… I love you, but don’t get surprised if I disappear from your life. And never come back.” She says, harshly. You could see on her expression, she was done. But she wasn’t letting go. Because, actually, as smart as both of you were, you two were in fact fools. Stupid girls who loved each other too much playing a game to see who would desist first.

You just nod and she then shakes her head, but hugs you. You wide your eyes. “Why?”

“Why… can’t you… Why the hell can’t you be happy we what  _ we  _ had?” Terezi’s voice is mumbled, sad. You hate hearing her like that. She told you everything about Gamzee with that sad, depressed and weak voice. Tired voice.

“I don’t know, Pyrope. Guess it’s just what humans do, you know,” you caress her hair, but she flinches with your touch. “We’re never satisfied with anything, as great as it’s. I always want more and more. It’s fucking disgusting.” You two stay in silence, but, with your words, Terezi bursts in tears. You sigh. You didn’t want this. “Terezi… am I just… another Gamzee?”

Terezi gets her head out of your shoulder and ‘stares’ at you. “Maybe.”

Your eyes wide and you feel your heart drop. You want to puke. You want to punch your own face. Gamzee and Terezi had the most horrible relationship you ever saw. Gamzee had been horrible for her. Leaving physical, but mainly, mental scars on her. You frown and push her softly away from you. “I’m so fucking sorry, being like that asshole was the last thing I wanted to be to you, I-”

“I know, let’s just…” she sniffs and wipes her tears with her shirt, “Let’s take Scalemate in a walk so we can… let’s just ignore this.” Terezi says, as if nothing really happened. She called the dog, that she named after her many dragon plushies, that the dog kept ruining. You could still clearly see she wasn’t okay with it. You could clearly see she was disappointed.

Despite everything, you just sigh. “Ok.”

* * *

 

A week later, Kanaya and Rose broke up. Due to the drugs, Rose didn’t remember half of it. She had no idea. And Kanaya was broke by that, she didn’t go to school for a whole week, even when she stopped being sick. Rose did not look happy in the slightest. She looked tipsy. All the time for a whole week. And your name was Vriska Serket and Terezi still loved you. At least, you hoped she did.

But it was obvious what was happening there. She didn’t tell about any of her problems to you anymore. And didn’t care to listen to yours.

Right now, you sat in the ground of your balcony, staring at the stars. You had a big urge to cry. To punch your own face. But who needed any of them anyways? This is what you decided to continue believing. You would never need anyone, even Kanaya or Terezi. You would rather live a lie than admit you were wrong and make an effort to change.

You throw your cigarette away and look down at your hands. “Fuck…” you grab the beer bottle you had next to you and throw it away, “Aargh, why… Fuck…” that’s all you whisper to yourself. Things with Terezi weren’t the same. Just like she said they wouldn’t be.

In the following months, you would see Terezi less. As much as it killed you, you maintained the lie in your head. The huge lie you never needed her. It was the biggest lie you ever told yourself, and that’s saying a lot. You had a pile of lies you told to other people, and another giant pile of lies you told to yourself.

And in the following months, you stopped asking “why” you were like this. Simply, you are Vriska Serket and that was your nature. A terrible nature. You were used to messing with things until they blew up in your face, or rather, other people’s face. And you were actually afraid you would  _ never  _ be able to change.

But of course. You would never admit that to yourself, instead you would rather start a riot.


End file.
